He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
