I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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