Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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