two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
