Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
