what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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