Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
