My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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