4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
