I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
