idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
