if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
