I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
