Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize