i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
