So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
His nipple licking is glorious
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