I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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