i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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