i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
