Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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