I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
