I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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