I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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