Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You pole danced in your parka.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
