I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
