How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
