Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
