So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
