I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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