my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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