so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
