So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
