it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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