my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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