I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They took my balls.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
