Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
