he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
