And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize