well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
