I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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