the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
