I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
