Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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