Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
