I will die if light touches me.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize