sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
