Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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