It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
