that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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