Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
