So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
