I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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