i already hear my dad disowning me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
