An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
