You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
