You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
