well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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