dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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