Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
