My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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