You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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