She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
