So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have post one night stand depression
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