if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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