we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
