I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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