Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
