I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
