my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
