p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
