whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize