My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
