if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
