Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
