i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
These tits shall not be calmed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
