When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
