508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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