youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
