...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
