Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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