somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
