Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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